My day started today with a phone call. It was not a pleasant call. It was full of harsh words and things that were hard to hear. I tried to temper it with the knowledge that it was because someone was hurting or frustrated on the other end of the line, but there are still times when it is hard to hear what someone is saying to you. It hits at the deepest insecurities you have, it shows you that you haven’t addressed something you thought you had, it makes you question everything. It brings tears to your eyes.
This was not the way I was planning on starting my day. I wasn’t planning to still be thinking about it two hours later. I wasn’t planning to have the thoughts tumbling and crashing around in my mind that have been for the last two hours. But here they are.
What am I doing? Where am I going? Why do I subject myself to some of the things I do? It’s hard to be vulnerable and expose yourself to so much, yet still keep a positive perspective and outlook. I may wear various titles, but I am still a human being, and when you are hurtful to another human being, they can bleed or break. As much as I hope I am never the cause of that to someone else, I know that isn’t always the case. And then I hurt to know I have hurt someone else, and I do what I can to fix it. I make mistakes, I know I've made many and will continue to unintentionally do so, and I try to learn from them. But to be on the receiving end of something, when you feel that hurt by the words, it can be difficult to move past it in your head.
I would love to be able to say that it’s not still bothering me, but it is, and it’s making me question everything. Why do I put myself in a position where this can happen? Is this still the right thing for me? Is it healthy for me emotionally to stay in this type of situation, or is it time to think about other options? And what are those options that would fulfill me as much as what I’m doing now?
I have a whole lot of questions swirling in my head, and not many answers right now, but as I write this at 9:20 this morning, I can be fairly certain that things will look differently six hours from now. And if they don’t, maybe it is time to think some more about what’s right for me.
I can understand you questioning everything. An incident like this is not easily forgotten, it stays with you. I think we don't intentionally place ourselves in these kind of situations. We can't foresee outcomes or how others interpret or misinterpret our actions. Perceptions can change. Hopefully, you can find strength through this situation
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to forget something so easily when someone has hurt you. I hope this situation clears up soon and everything is ok!
ReplyDeleteSometimes days don't go at all like you plan. Maybe that person feels badly now for what he or she said but maybe he or she is hurting, too. Who knows? I'm sending hugs. Let me know if you want to talk more. :( It sounds like you know that it's more the other person than it is you. Take a deep breath and reassess. You always have a choice.
ReplyDeleteUnderstandably, your message is intentionally cryptic. If this call involved a parent, I strongly suggest not subjecting yourself to abuse but politely excuse yourself from the call. This year, my 34th, I have chosen to ignore a couple of emails from parents, not because the emails are rude but because the expectations are unrealistic, and at times the tone is condescending. You deserve and have earned respect. Insist on it.
ReplyDeleteI hope that the residue of that phone call has faded and that your day has picked up some more pleasant tones. It's hard sometimes to let go of those moments. Wishing you a better start to your day tomorrow. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard to shake off an experience that prompts you to question and misrepresents your best intentions. Hang in there. Sometimes life is tough.
ReplyDeleteI echo what others have said about your experience. I know exactly what you mean about "that phone call" or sometimes "that email" that can often ruin a day. I find it's helpful to focus just on my students and our experience together - that's what matters. I hope that tomorrow is a better one (and it almost alway is).
ReplyDeleteFunny how sometimes one person's way of unburdening themselves leads to the creation of another person's burden. I hope your spirits begin to feel a bit brighter at the end of the day
ReplyDeleteWhoever said that "Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words can never hurt you" was not that bright. Sometimes I think words leave a much deeper wound than something physical can. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteMy heart hurts for you, and I hope your day got better. Call me if you need. I'm here.
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